My Story
Growing up my heart felt like it was always full of chaos, never had peace. I had nothing buthurt and pain. My father left me at the age of 6 and in my teenage years, growing up was hard, because I did not have a man to model after so I did not know who to be. I was foolish and immature; everything I did was to please me and my needs and wants. In my teens I got involved with drugs and experimented in many areas in my life. I was a criminal who was arrested various times for crimes I was fully responsible for, I was put into a special school for "trouble students". I was out of control in life and in school, failed high school then finally graduated in the summer. Went through a period of my life where I experienced extreme poverty, with no food to eat, we would go to shelters or churches to ask for food. No one in school or family knew of this problem because my mother was trying to be strong, but really it was pride trying to sustain us, which didn't last. I was suicidal and depressed, I was tired of living the way I did, it felt as if I was in a deep well, and there was no way out but up, but going up seemed impossible to me because all my life had done was go down into an even greater pit. I felt there was no hope.
You have to understand that I did not know who I was or why all this was happening to me. My life went spiraling down, one day when I was partying under the influence. I was driving home and got in a wreck, glass flew everywhere and it automatically triggered a panic attack. After finally driving to a safe location, and having my friend calm me down. I was sitting up against my car trying to take it all in.
And then that’s when God spoke to me and revealed himself to me. You see, I as a person was destroyed on the inside I could not love, because I did not know the true feeling of love. I had so many wounds in my heart, which had built up over the years, metaphorically speaking, my body was an open scab, bleeding, hurt, wounded, and injured. But you see there was a man that was looking for me, my whole life. I did not even know this man was looking for me, or that he had a solution and a way out. I didn’t know that he could heal my wounds, that I did not have to live with this hurt & I didn’t have to be upset, bitter and angry at the world. I didn’t know that he was prepared to bandage every cut in my body. That he was ready to let me cry in his arm, that he was looking around every corner, searching high and low. He looked in every valley, he looked at the top of every mountain, and he went to the dept of the ocean and still did not give up. And when he found me I was a complete mess.
You see this man is Jesus Christ; he IS LOOKING FOR YOU, right now. And has been for some time and he hasn’t given up on you.
He knew everything I needed that’s why he came with bandages and ointment for my wounds, plus open arms to receive me. He found me!
To me that says that he looked for me when no one even considered me or gave me the time of day. If I would of killed myself, or overdosed, or got in a wreck would the world notice I was gone?! NO! The world would not care that it has one less person in it. But oh how this man did, this Jesus Christ that died for me. He took my name and went to hell and resurrected and now because of that I can take his name and live for eternity. My heart is filled with joy, and PEACE, how the peace I have now in my life I never would of thought that I would have had it. Life for me was a tornado, now it feels like when you float. I still have challenges in every area in my life, but the one that looked for me helps me through them, and he gives me strength.
I never knew how much Jesus Christ loved me, I never knew that he never hides his love from me, that he is always pouring affirmation and love over me; even while I sleep. This is me. That is my God, Jesus Christ.
